Canadian Idol: Reality TV singing contest distracts me from weightier issues!

Such as, the eighth or tenth or fiftieth edit of this mammoth project. Or the workaholic tendencies of my pasty white husband. Or the Equestrian Federation test that I haven't studied for. Or the way my daughter's pants keep getting too short. Or the mess in my house that won't quite clean itself up. The drought. The bank account. Literary agents. Dog food. Vet bills. Imaginary people who just won't behave...

But every Monday night I race home from my writers group and plunk myself down in front of the TV with my two musically gifted kids (who are temporarily forgetting that they are musically gifted) for some good ol Singing and Posing! I love it. I cringe through the auditions and do serious, helpful critiques once the voting starts. I'm so good. I wish those kids could hear my constructive criticism.







Every year for the past three, I've gone to the Juno awards and walked past all four of our judges. Yes, Farley is huge. No, Jake is not. Yes, Zack often looks slightly irritated. And let me tell you, that Sass Jordan is prettier in real life. And I'm not just saying that because I think Sass and I should have our own show some day. I am not merely being a suckup, just in case. She really is pretty. But yes, I do think we should have our own show. We'd call it Cougarian Idol, since we are both over 35, or at least...I am...and we'd have something stronger than coffee in those mugs on the desk, if y'know what I mean. We'd say things to all the handsome young male constestants like, "I LAUVED it!" and "You ROCKED that HARD!" and "YOU are the ROCKINEST of the ROCKIN ROCK!" or we'd purr things like "That was the most special thing I've ever seen on this show" as we lift our mugs and their suspicious contents to our red red red lips. And we'd wear great big dangly earrings too. Sigh. Sass is so friggin cool. I'm not sure what the heck she's saying half the time but she really sounds like she means it.

But I digress.

This has been a weird year for this show. A few of my favourites got booted already before the top Ten. And it's gotten weirder from there. The good news is, those who managed to stay have really improved.

Last night was Top Five. The theme was My Own Idol. Celebrity guest was a singer you may have heard of- Kelly Clarkson? If you have been under a rock for six years and haven't heard of her, I suggest you give a listen and learn what sangin! is all about.

First up, Matt "Preacher's Son From Regina Saskatchewan" Rapley.



Yes, his voice is as big and beautiful as he is. He sang Stevie Wonder's Higher Ground by way of Red Hot Chili Peppers. He could win. That's all I got to say about that.

Next, Dwight "East Coast" d'Eon.



He did Bon Jovi's "Bed of Roses" which he started off by playing the big ol black Yamaha grand piano. Don't we all just love a guy playing piano? Last week he busted out the Gibson Les Paul and pretended to be Carlos Santana.

(What? Your Idol franchinse show doens't have contestants playing instruments as well as singing? Oh...well I guess things are just better in the Great White North! Ohhhhhh!)

But I can't get behind this guy. Despite his Nova Scotia home (I love the East Coast, b'y!) and his big shoulders and purty lil teardrop shaped eyes, I just cannot get into him. Is it the consistent choice of 90s cock rock songs? Is it the standing with the knees three feet apart? Is it the lack of facial expressions? The notes that sound suspiciously off to my sadly pitch challenged ears?

I dunno. I'd have sent him home weeks ago but he's still there. He could win.

Next- Jaydee "please and thank ya ma'am, yessir" Bixby.



Just hang on a second. The kid's name people. Could I have invented a name that perfect? I haven't yet!

I love this kid. I do. From the audition when he showed up like he walked out of 1958 with his geetar and a grin.



Is he for real? That was the question. Is he a 16 year old Elvis impersonator without the black hair and the spangled suit and the slick hip moves? Well not really. He's Jaydee. He's managed to twang his way through the whole show and never stray from his old country- Elvis Presley-Ray Charles-Nashville-Memphis-Drumheller Alberta THANG.



Anyways last night he did an Elvis tune, doesn't matter which one because he was perfectly entertaining and sang that thing like he meant it and darn it, I think he should win this thing. He probably won't. But I'd let him take my daughter to dinner. Not any time soon, of course. She's only thirteen. She's not allowed out for many long years yet. And he just turned 17 so he's waaaaaaaaaaaay too old for her. Maybe when she's twenty and he's twenty four. And he'd show up with flowers -for me- and he'd shake Jethro's hand and call him Sir and he'd open the car door for her. Car? Truck. Of course.

Okay back to the show.

Carly Rae "of sunshine" Jepson...



...finally sang a Rickie Lee Jones song. And the judges told her how totally adorable she is, how charming, unique and sweet she is. And...I yawned! Could it be that I've grown tired of her? Or am I just not sleeping enough?

Anywaaaaays...

Brian "they called him Melo-dramatic which is the worst nickname ever hung on an Idol contestant" Melo.



This guy came out of nowhere for me. I thought he was cute. I liked his big brown eyes. I thought his voice had a nice rasp but was kind of weak. He's spent his time sweating and silently waiting in the bottom three until the commercial break's over. But...he's been getting better every week! He's figuring out what he's good at and using what he's got. Last night he sang Radiohead's "Karma Police" and made the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up. In a good way. Every rasp, every breath, every rasp, every bent note.

I hope he wins.

Well, him, or Mr Young Hick Chic himself. Seriously. This kid is hick and he is chic. Cowboy cool.




He sang a song about an auction one week!!!


JUDGE ZACK "I'd be the Simon Cowell except that I really was a rock star sixteen years ago" WERNER: Where did you come from ???

JAYDEE: (pointing into the audience) That man right there, sir!

JAYDEE'S DAD IN THE AUDIENCE: (beaming, grinning, thumbs upping)

JAYDEE (grinning and thumbs up)

JUDGE ZACK (shaking head, rubbing forehead, not sure what to say next)

Oh it's so much fun!

Plus we have a great game while we watch Canadian Idol called "there's Justin" and "there's Davide" since both the guitar player and drummer have spent long hours in the studio with Jethro. The guitar player in particular has had lots of fun this year. He's actually gotten lots of screen time. Too bad he didn't make it onto any of the photos. He rocks. I'd vote for Justin if I could.

And of course, it's entertaining to marvel at Ben Mulroney's hair. It's real, folks. It is. I walked past him on the red carpet! at the Junos in April and the coooool Saskatchewan breeze blew Ben's hair out of its slick Monday evening Ken doll coiffure. And! Grey streaks!!!! If you look closely you can see streaks of silver in Ben's hair! I am obsessed with Ben's hair. Because it's real.



(What? Your Idol franchise show doesn't have a host whose dad used to run the country, whether or not you think he did a good job of it? D'oh! It's so much fun up here in Canada!!!)

Yep, up here we get sponsors for our show like Pantene shampoo and Honey Nut Cheerios and Old El Paso Salsa. Not Ford. Not Coca Cola. There are no short videos each week. Just a few shots of the kids in the Idol house talking about, like, fame n stuff, while muncing on...Honey Nut Cheerios. There are no massive stages and when the winner is announced, there's a quick shower of confetti and then the union guys swarm the stage and shut the place down. Actually I'm kidding about that last part. But it is cool to see how our little low budget contest gets creative with the whole thing. And weird. I love weird. Every one of the contestants is way different than the next. You should have seen our top 22. Three Emo kids, one of whom was a girl who spoke French and one who was Asian. We had a girl with a supernova sized Afro. We had a dude from Cape Breton who looked, sounded and acted like he got cryogenically frozen in 1974 after being kicked out of the Allman Brothers.

And the best part is that they're willing to do this, for months, two nights a week, for my entertainment. I love this country.

Ok I'm outta here. I'm taking Jethro out of the studio for a few days. Later, folks!