...I'm lying on a table in a nice room full of bottles of nail polish and fluffy white towels. I've been assured that I'll be able to drive home and handle heavy equipment, and won't need to take painkillers or sleep it off. I feel like I should roll up my sleeve and look at the wall. Feel kinda woozy. The whole time she's waxing my little unibrow into oblivion I'm babbling about plane tickets and airports and how it's cheaper to leave a day earlier and stay at the Travelodge instead of flying out the day of the party and I highly doubt I'm making any sense whatsoever. I leave feelin kinda giggly to go with the woozy and still babbling about spending a day travelling to a place I've never been which may or may not be a real place. I'm not sure.
Driving home with woolly earflap hat pulled over my buzzing forehead, my belly's feeling kind of queasy.
I get in the house. Jethro's not gone to work yet. I ask if he recognizes me and if he still loves me. He smiles goofily and points out the glowing pink space in the middle of my forehead. I am still the woman he's been married to for 15 years, but I now have twice the amount of eyebrows I had when I left the house.
Before
After
Eventually in the afternoon I get up the guts to look in the mirror. Freak out. There's a giant expanse of pink skin on my forehead. I'm very frightened. Who is this person with this perfectly smooth spot? It's hairless. There is nothing covering the bridge of my nose and I'm really disoriented.
Have you ever gotten really, extremely, stupidly drunk, and then gone to have a look at yourself in the mirror?
Like that.
Worse, eventually I had to accidentally touch my forehead and yiicccchhhh it's so smooth! It's icky! It's a patch of naked skin that has not been exposed to the elements in over 15 years!!
Yeah I used to tweeze them, a long time ago, when I was a teenager, back when I used to spray my hair and wear make up every day. In my later teens I rebelled and decided it really wasn't so bad to let things get a little outta control up there. After having two babies I said screw this, I ain't putting myself through any more unnecessary discomfort.
So what's this all about? I don't know. Midlife crisis? Got sick of looking at my own face? Got a big party coming up soon? This was cheaper than getting some nice pink streaks dyed into my hair?
Well I did it, and I am having a really hard time getting used to my face!
I should sell ad space.
By evening my skin is back to its normal colour but I feel like my face got stretched.
Of course throughout all of this my kids don't even notice until suppertime.
Late in the evening my head hurts. It took me three weeks to go through with this. I have facial anxiety. Well, I have lots of anxiety issues in general but this is a big deal for me. I let someone rip my frickin unibrow out!!!
And in cases you're wondering, this is IT- I am not going any further with this. The remainders of my bushy brows are staying right the heck where they are. I still want to be me, with the majority of my glorious scruffiness intact. I really can't go totally slick with this. I gotta be me, and I am not slick...
Do you know how big a deal this is???
Here's the stupid part:
Ten years ago I coughed extra hard and pushed out my second baby in my own bed, without drugs, in 47 minutes.
Heck, it was a piece of cake. You know why? Because the midwives didn't have any tweezers! Damn!
32 comments:
getting better!
I still say "HOT WAX!"
Well, well, well Heidi! You did it! I am proud! I think it is nice to see that part of your face!
Congratulations on the unveiling, or in this case, the un-unibrowing.
Yeah, I'm hot enough already, hahahahahahaha!
I'm not so sure if I like seeing this part of my face YET but in time I guess I'll be okay!
Very brave of you, Heidi - and it looks great! That space is crying out for a little sparkly pastie jewel or something, though. Are you going to maintain, or is this a one-time thing? I'm especially impressed by the utter lack of a frown line down the center of your brow. You look Botoxed without the facial paralysis - neat trick. :-)
The wooly unibrow *was* a statement, and a lovely one no doubt, but this look is for the *evolving* Heidi, the author-in-the-making.
Imagine what might happen if--and this is *not* a suggestion--but imagine if you went to frameless glasses. Eh?
I think you look purdy. :)
I love that you could have a baby, in your own bed, with NO pain killers of any kind, but you got woozy getting your eyebrows done.
You're too much.
Biddie, I know, I'm weird. I make no sense. I hope this is one of the reasons you love me???!!!!
Anissa, thank you... I'm feeling like a plucked chicken so the compliment feels nice!
Oh Therese, you got it- yes my statement of bushy browed rebellion was one thing...but now I'm ready for something else. Yep.
I kinda feel like a SELL OUT but like I said, the rest is staying real. As for the glasses, I only wear them when I'm "working" and I use that word loosely, haha! Very few people see me outside the house in my specs. You guys are the lucky ones eh?
Nicole, you have just given me a very good idea for my Big Upcoming Party!
I think this might be a one time. Maybe I'll have to do it again before the Big Weekend Out? I don't know. It took me a whole freakin day to recover this time! Can I do it again????
As for my frown line... I've been lucky to inherit my mother's beautiful skin. She has very fine lines instead of deep wrinkles.
Or maybe...I just don't have a frown line because I'm generally too STUNNED to frown at anything???
You go girl! You do know they have little kits so you can do that at home now right? NO unibrow doctor needed.. LOL
new experiences make the woman...and you can use it in a book later, too... did it give you a good endorphin boost? remember how you said you thought of a Champ tattoo once? don't do it if you felt woozy over the eyebrows...
oh, you look marvelous, either way...i can't look at myself in the mirror after a haircut....so, you'll get used to it! and Nicole is right...claim that new smooth spot with something sparkly...
Woo hoo! It looks terrific!
I love you for SO many reasons.SOOO many. Too many to count. :)
Oh Jackie, I don't know if I can wax my own brows. Oh geez. Of course then I wouldn't have to drive home afterwards...!
Dilling, I think the horse tattoo is not going to happen. Although, maybe I could draw him in that space between my new eyebrows... whaddaya think??
I don't think I got an endorphin rush. Unless the queasy buzz counts? I'm glad you like, and yeah, it'll probably pop up in a book someday!
Angel, thank you!
Biddie, my sparkling wit is another reason, right? Right???
You're a total hottie!
So no more unibrow of love?
I think it's good for you to push yourself to do things like this. I wonder if part of this is you feeling you're not worth the effort.
I think you are.
I think your eyebrows look quite nice separated like that.
yeharr
Pirate, I now have double the amount of eyebrows of love! You're right though- I've been spending the last year pushing myself in many ways. It's really hard to spend much effort on little ol me but I'm getting better.
And thank you!
Hey Jas-Yep, my forehead's on fire, fer sure!
yeah well done you, and hey do not get the lits you can use at home, remember my chin story lol
Beautiful before; beautiful after! What’s the big hairy deal?
Awesome!!! I know you said no more but at some point I want to convince you to get the top and the bottom of the brows done.
Like I said before....it's the cheapest and more effective way of showing off those gorgeous eyes of yours!
Way to go!!
= )
i'm amazed the people at the salon didn't try to wax more without your volition. i applaud you for keeping your brows the way they are! they look great.
Indoors- yeah I remember that story! Professional help only for me!
Coffeypot, aww, thanks!
Smartypants, thanks for the cheer! Girl, you have got to get some pretty strong medicine ready if you're going to persuade me to go any further with this! ACCCKK!!!!
Oh Terry....I made it VERY CLEAR that this was a big HAIRY deal and that there were limits!
They were pretty respectful. Either that or they were scared of me with my babbling and nervous giggling...
I'd rather give birth than wax my own brows. I'd probably end up with a big gob of green wax on my forehead because I'd be too chicken to pull it off.
You have quite a set! I am fascinated by this..what a bold stance you have taken. I have HUGE caterpillers and I always notice how 99% of male Actors have had their brows waxed, clipped or tamed somehow...I do mow them down a little when they start to curl.
The best/worst example is Nick Stokes on CSI..have a gander at those puppies. Unbefrickinlievable. Those are the most un-natural sweat guards that I have ever seen.
You are obviously very comfortable in your own skin and that makes you one in a million..((applause))
Lurrve the pink hair!
i wasn't sure how i would feel... was i losing a sister?
but no, once the fuzz grows back in i'll get over it... i do love the scraggly bits...
either way you are loverly.
Escape-- you wouldn't believe how you just made me chuckle, because that is the first time a man's told me that I have a nice set!!!!! Yep, what I lack in other places, I make up for in eyebrows, baby!
As for CSI, I'll have to look closer. I was too busy looking at the Nick Stokes's chest! And yes, you do have impressive sweat guards!
Cara, darling, thank you! Means so much to me. (I love my craggly bits too...)
Heidi...the brows (not there are distinctly two) look great. Is this a trend or will they be allowed to grow back? BTW I am sure you lack for nothing :)
You look great!
I hardly recognized you towards the end of this post. ;)
I think you look great!
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