I'm doing it my way, featuring only the silly crap that matters to me in my small, overgrown, slightly dirty corner of the world...
BEST DRESSED (group)
BEST DRESSED (solo)
WORST MINOR INJURY IN ORDER TO PROVE THAT IT'S THE SAFE HORSES THAT WILL HURT YOU
Me, and my nasty little upper arm bite, which I acquired from being stupid enough to place myself between two mares who are battling each other for the position of "Second in Command of the Herd" and biting each other over the stall partition. (Photo taken 24 hrs after the incident.) I haven't been bitten in probably twenty years. Despite the war wound, the pony and I are still friends and I very much enjoyed doing chores over the weekend for my friend's horses.
BEST RENAMING OF AN ARTICLE OF CLOTHING
Me, again! For doing away with the hateful moniker of "wife beater" and hereby declaring the white tank top be called a HICK HUGGER! See?!?
BEST LINE SPOKEN BY A FICTIONAL PIRATE AFTER A SLIMY HANDSHAKE
"I feel sullied, and...unusual..."
WORST WASTE OF A SOUTHERN GIRL WHO SEEMS PERFECTLY NICE BUT DOESN'T SEEM ALL SO BRIGHT Nothing is going in the right direction in that photo. You know it's bad when you find yourself thinking that her rotten good for nothin husband was better than who she's hanging around with now. Girl, go home and feed your children.
BEST LOOKING BIOLOGICAL THIRD CHILD BORN TO GORGEOUS HUSBAND STEALER/ CHEAT COMBO
Sigh. Good looks are not the most important thing in the world. Repeat.
Y'know, they better stay together after all that work. Cute family, seriously.
He's slapping the dog around again! He's been sleeping on my bed again! He's visibly bony and kinda creaky but he's still his coolcat self.
Andrew Stockdale of Aussie rock band Wolfmother.
WORST SELF ESTEEM BEATING
Ashlee Simpson's old nose.
I feel sorry for the old nose. It didn't do anything to deserve this kind of ostracization.
It's done. It ain't gonna grow back. Way to go kid, you look like a Barbie doll clone now. I don't even know you.
And... suddenly I stopped caring.
BEST ALBUM FROM 1971 MADE IN 2006 BY PEOPLE BORN IN THE 80s
MOST UNLIKELY ALBUM TO BE LOVED BY A HICK
AFI, Decemberunderground.I know. Stop teasing me about the Guyliner. Okay. I know.
WORST TREATMENT OF A HORSE UNDER THE GUISE OF HELPING HIM BUT REALLY ONLY PROLONGING HIS AGONY IN ORDER TO MAKE MONEY OFF OF HIM
I feel so sorry for this horse. Think how much pain he's in. If he was any other backyard companion he'd be humanely put down. He's being kept alive for stud but he can barely put any weight on that leg. He does seem to be a brave guy though, and I hope he recovers and proves me wrong.
BEST SONG STUCK IN HEAD (non irritating)
"Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. What an incredibly catchy tune! That guy has a voice like...like...clouds...or like, candy...or his voice is like that feeling in your belly when you're so happy but you don't know why and all you know is that you wanna stay right where you are? Like, that's that guy's voice. Duzzat make me craaaayyzzzayyyy?????
THE "I'LL HAVE TO HOSE YOU DOWN FIRST, BUT OKAY" AWARD (fictional character)
Captain Jack Sparrow
BEST 3 WAY SWORDFIGHT SEQUENCE INVOLVING TWO HANDSOME BRITISH ACTORS AND ONE JOHNNY DEPP
THE "IT COSTS SO MUCH TO ENTERTAIN US" AWARD
King Kong. I can't comprehend what this monstrosity cost to make and I'm ashamed to be a white North American who stupidly paid to see it. I'll never get that 3 1/2 hours of my life back.
THE "IT TAKES A HECK OF AN ACTOR TO DARN NEAR STEAL A MOVIE FROM JOHNNY DEPP" AWARD...especially when said actor's real face is obscured by a virtual squid face...
Bill Nighy as Davey Jones
BEST HUSBAND IN A REAL LIFE SITUATION COMEDY/BLOG
It's my blog and I get to trumpet my triumphs as much as I want.
Mine, and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours. We're all good.
Alright 2007. I AM READY FOR YOU.