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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Mysteries of Townie Life

How come I put two garbage cans out last night, and now this morning there is only one? And I can't see the other one anywhere on this street or the next?

What kind of a person steals a garbage can? Full of garbage?

For the last month we've had a really disturbingly hot garbage truck man. I was walking the dog this morning when around the corner comes the truck, and he's on the back. There's a light mist of rain in the air; it clings to his short blonde hair. He's wearing shades this morning. I don't find that odd because the sun is trying to peek through the grey shield of sky and it makes you squint. He's wearing the Garbage Man outfit of brown pants and orange T shirt with the yellow X , and big work gloves, and damn it looks good. His arms are muscular. He does a little nod-smile-wave. I smile back from under my umbrella.

We live in a neighbourhood of bungalows, which are currently selling in the 300,000+ range, and lately when one gets sold it goes through an extensive overhaul before anybody moves in. We lived here for eight years before we finally went to the bank and grovelled for a loan to do some desperately needed work. But how can these people afford to BUY a house and immediately FIX IT UP? They're not even fixer-uppers! I've been in the house on the corner. It was a perfectly nice house. But since the snow melted, it's been gutted inside, all new appliances, new doors, the exterior brick has been painted, and the garage torn off. Well I get taking the garage down; it was just a sloppy lean-to. But still. That all costs A LOT of cash. And now today there are two landscaping trucks there.

Did they downsize from a mansion? Did they inherit a gazillion dollars?

Is nothing good enough for anybody anymore? Must we all join the race to have the Nicest Best Newest Trendiest???

Maybe it's a country girl thing; farmers are famously practical. And cheap. Maybe it's a Mennonite thing. Mennonites are just famously cheap.

Another nearby street has been undergoing paving for about two years. Am I paying for this, every time they fart around with another manhole cover? personhole cover???

And finally, lawn poison. Farmers have been criticized for spraying their fields with pesticides. Well, I am not a big fan of poison, at all, but at least they're doing it to keep out weeds that will choke out their crop which they are desperately trying to make a profit on. Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep my dog off of these perfectly manicured lawns with their perfectly uniform shade of green. It's not right. Why not get astroturf and vacuum it every three days?

I wish I could find that other garbage can. Then I could go running out in the rain, just as the truck pulls up, and breathlessly hand it to Hot Garbage Man as I fling my wet hair out of my eyes.

Where the heck is that garbage can?

10 comments:

Timmy said...

"personhole cover" thats GREAT! HAHA!

I think you should takes some pics of this hunk of a man and post em!

Heidi the Hick said...

I'll run out with my camera instead of that missing garbage can.

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

It's that new NSA program of tapping phones and rooting through garbage for "gotchas". Remember the Public Works guy?? You've probably been targeted for investigation!

Get outta there! Quick!

Kari said...

Oh, I agree with Nerdboy, get the hell outta there!

Heidi the Hick said...

Redneck & Kari (or should I say my 2 redneck friends!)- I wanna get outta here! What kind of a place has garbage can thefts????

I wrote this posting at 9 and it's 3 now and the one last lonely can is still sitting out there....waiting for hunky garbage man...

Heidi the Hick said...

3:15. There he goes. He upended that thing all manly like. I watched from my bay window. tee hee.

Notsocranky Yankee said...

What's up with the garbage can? Are the landscaping guys using it down on the corner? Wait, it had garbage in it? That's not right!

Maybe you should ask the garbage guy...you know, a conversation starter...

Heidi the Hick said...

holy cow Yankee, I didn't even think of that!!!

Good thing you stopped by today...

George Larson said...

He smells like garbage, regardless.

Heidi the Hick said...

Nothing a bubble bath couldn't fix!