Wednesday, April 19, 2006

the Baby Blues


A year ago,

this guy

was publicly berating this woman

for her use of anti-depressants to help her deal with a severe post-partum depression.

Some kind of poetic justice has given each of them a daughter born on the same day.

I'm not a huge fan of anti-depressants, or Tom Cruise. In fact I may even like Tom more than I like the drugs. I think it's great that Tom advocates an alternative to drugs for treating depression. I'm all for that. I was on that crap for most of last year and I hated it.

HOWEVER a) it may have kept me alive
and b) as a woman who was never diagnosed with post-partum, despite the obvious signs of it now that we look back, I say, if you need the damn drugs to keep you from driving your car into a brick wall, with your infant child strapped in with you, then take the damn drugs.

Brooke made some very wise comment at the time as to how Tom should get back to her on that after he gives birth.

Don't try to analyze post-partum depression: it is the most irrational thing on the planet. How can you look at a precious newborn and only think of death? I don't know. But I've felt it. The worst part is, it's not even scary. At the time. You're too messed up to realize how wrong the thinking is.

Dear god, I hope Katie doesn't get the post-partum. For her sake.

As for Brooke and family, I've heard many other-mothers saying that she's nuts to have a second one after what she went through the first time around. Maybe so, but I know where she's coming from. I didn't even realize I was depressed after the first one, and two years later I was back for more. Turns out, the second baby was waaaay more difficult. He was born in less than an hour. Then he cried for two years. Now he's the coolest most awesome boy in the world.

Let me make this perfectly clear: Having a baby is selfish. You have a baby because you want one, not because the baby will make your life better or because it's time, or because you're lonely. It's okay to want a baby. All babies should be wanted.

I didn't spend my teenage years wishing for motherhood-in fact I put a fair amount of effort into avoiding it! After we got married we were going to wait a few years but our baby girl surprised us. Life's never been the same since and I often thank her for that.

And, I thank god every day that somewhere in my murky mind, I knew that I had to love that baby boy, and relish every smile, every moment when his eyes were wide open and he was looking at me, no matter what horrible thoughts took up my brain.

So, To Katie, I hope all those Scientologists know how to cook because you're going to need some good food. It'll take a lot of energy to deal with SuperDad.

To Brooke, you stared the demon of depression in the eye and you beat it. Soak up that baby. And hire someone to cook for you.


Smartypants said...

Hey sweetie. I saw your question on my blog about linking stuff. Do you want to link a specific post to a post you are writing?

Heidi the Hick said...

Yes, that's what I want to do and I can't figure it out! I need help from someone smart like you.

Kari said...

It's amazes me that I never had PPD, but I do have depression, which I am currently on meds for. Do I like to take them? Yes. Because I know that I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for those little pills. I'd rather take a pill(s) everyday for the rest of my life then have no life at all.

Heidi, I'm glad that you beat the ugly beast called depression. It's one hard beast to beat. And you should be proud of that.

Heidi the Hick said...

Wow, Kari, thanks.

I didn't like the drugs because it robbed me of my appetite and my libido and any passion for anything BUT like you said, better than having no life at all!

I'm glad you read this and wrote back.

Kari said...

The meds I'm on don't rob me of anything. Well, besides the appetite. I could drop a few pounds and it wouldn't hurt. But the libido, oh sister, it's still there. ;) And I still have the same (if not more) passion for the same things that I always had. I know that I'm a hellva lot of a better person NOW, than when I'm depressed. And I owe it all the little pill that controls the impuses in my brain.

Notsocranky Yankee said...

Luckily I didn't have any PPD, although Cranky told me I was a bit screwy emotionally while pregnant. F*#%ing hormones!

Why would Brooke stop having kids due to PPD? She understands it now and is not afraid to get meds for it! I think it's great.

Tom Cruise is crazy! I read an article in Rolling Stone about Scientology that was very interesting. They gave permission and access to some facilities and I don't think they even realize how wacky they appear! Poor Katie!

Heidi the Hick said...

I think Brooke will be fine. Maybe this one will be tough too but that's just it: she knows what to do now.

That Scientology article has made Jethro late for work! I should take that magazine out of the bathroom.

I'll tell you all about my brush with Scientology some day ok?

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

Frickin' A, sister.

Katie is in for a world of surprises... Scientolo-rific surprises!

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