Those of you who have been reading for awhile will be aware that Johnny Depp, my pal, shows up regularly in my dreams. And it's not what you think! Because unlike the other 5 million women who dream about him, I have great conversations with him. We're like THIS, me and Johnny.
Well I went back to bed this morning and for the first time in about three weeks had a non horrifying dream. First I was trying to wrap up a birthday party at a restaurant involving a bunch of 12 year old girls, that kind of turned into a nightmare...when I had the girls sent off to their parents I started playing a strange video game in the lobby. It was a Johnny Depp video game. You had to match the line to the movie. If you got it right a photo of the character popped up on the screen. Sweet. I got a PERFECT score of course, so a little box popped up (Kind of like the comments on Fatrobot, check it out) and I typed in my blog name, right? Then Johnny's voice says, "Alright, go ahead, tell me about it. Tell me all about him." So I wrote a funny story about my husband Jethro.
Next scene: Jethro and I had just finished fixing up a nifty little room up in the haymow. (That's in the top level of the barn.) There was some nice smelling hay up there, some old sleeping bags and a big window that you could crawl up to and look out over the scenery. Just a great Hang Room. Later on that evening whaddaya know, Johnny & Vanessa came by to check it out.
By the time Justin and Dan dropped by, Johnny & I were sitting by the wall, holding court, telling jokes and finishing each other's sentences. Telling everybody how hard it was for our mother to keep me in there for eight years after Johnny was born! Jethro and Vanessa were comparing photos of all the kids and comparing how different daughters and sons are.
The Hawkins brothers were cracking everybody up with their special English rock star blokiness.
I of course had warned all my friends that you couldn't smoke in the barn, since these buddies of mine have that pesky habit. So no worries, we're all having a good old time in my barn, laughing away, and it's filling up with people I don't even know because that's the way it goes at these things, you know, the clothes the parties the rock stars eh? I take a few buddies out for a tour of the magnificent structure. (It really is great, I'll show you photos some day.)
So on the grand tour, I noticed something very disturbing: little orange embers clinging to the ceiling. (dream physics, don't question it okay?) I ran back into the Hang Room, screaming at everybody to get out. Problem is, I had no idea how many people were in the barn by this time. I ran into the house but 911 was out of service-damn them!! The whole barn was glowing orange by this time, not burning but glowing in the dark. I counted the Hawkinses, found the distraught disoriented Depp, ran around screaming some more, flagged down a passing fire truck, and yelled for the ten police cars to park away from the barn. (Geez). At this point I found a jewelled purse on the grass. "Oh my God! Vanessa!" I screamed. And I climbed back in, found her passed out, trapped in the granary, yanked her out to safety and to her relieved Johnny.
Meanwhile a fire guy was doing these tests on my waterlogged barn to see what kind of damage was done, blah blah blah, and I'm crying my eyes out because this barn is 150 years old and has managed to stay standing through everything and now I'm the one who destroyed it, and what does Fire Guy say? "There's no structural damage. The planks are charred and they'll have to be replaced but it can be saved."
Yay! And on top of that, I not only saved my barn, but I saved Vanessa Paradis, the love of my pal Johnny's life, from certain doom.
I woke up feeling so damn good about myself.
Jethro happened to be home from work. He woke me up by using the Puppy Weapon, who promptly fell asleep beside me as I told Jethro about my awesome dream. And what does he say?
"You know, if you would have just left her in there, he would have been single again." My husband rocks!
Hey man, I singlehandedly saved my barn and Vanessa, so I rock too. Everybody loves me now!!!!
On another note, Jethro showed me how to put photos of my new friends on my blog! I think they all look like they're ready for the next barn party!