Monday, January 01, 2018

Saying goodbye to a hero: Chris Cornell 1964-2017

(I don't know why I didn't hit the button on this post.  Maybe I was just too traumatized and couldn't do it.  Anyways.  Here it is.)

I cannot believe I am typing this.  One of my favourite musicians died a week ago and I am still trying to figure out how to grieve.

Mourning a person you never met is strange and painful.

I never met him, he didn't know I existed, but he was seriously part of my life.  How weird is that?  He sang the soundtrack of my adult life.

I was a college student, at the pub with my buddies, when I first heard the glorious menacing roar of drop tuning and weird time signatures, and that indescribable voice.  (That voice came out of a physically beautiful man, and you know I have a weakness for men with long dark hair and pretty eyes.)

I was in the passenger seat when a song on the radio made my unborn baby kick inside me, and my young husband drove with his hand on my belly.  I can still see the orange glow of the car stereo in the dark that night.  I called the baby the little spoon man.  She came out a Soundgarden fan.

I was driving a different car, devastated by the news that Soundgarden was over.  I respected them for calling it quits before they all started hating each other, but I by then I'd decided they were one of my favourite bands and I was pretty damn upset about it.

I was in a stadium with my husband and our two kids to see and hear Audioslave.  Amazed by those four musicians.  The kids were 11 and 9 at the time.  They rocked their little heads off.  At one point Chris Cornell came out with just his acoustic guitar and played Black Hole Sun.  When they played Like A Stone, I am pretty sure the whole audience sang it back to him.  It was beautiful.  And when they played Killing In The Name Of, he put so much fire and guts into it, we felt like the building was vibrating with energy.

I was in bed for a month, sweating out a drug meant to stabilize my mood disorder, soothed by a song about someone else's Black Days.

Then I wept in a stadium for that same song, because I survived and my favourite band was reunited and I was with my family.

My daughter and son have grown up and become adults listening to him. It's been Led Zeppelin, Soundgarden, Audioslave, The White Stripes, Rage Against the Machine (when they were old enough to handle the words), and Big Wreck.  Those were always in our CD players as the kids were growing up.  

When his Songbook album came out, I had it in the player in our room for about 6 months.  I never got tired of it.  Voice and guitar.  That was all we needed.  

I loved this man's voice, his words, his guitar playing, his face, his hair, his eyes, his shriek and growl and whisper. I can't fathom that his voice and his words will be silent. There won't be another concert. There won't be any more music. 

I feel like a family friend died.  

Aren't we lucky to be living in a world where recording has been invented?

What really tears the guts out of me is that his death has been ruled a suicide.

I hate to say it, I really do, but I know that feeling, that there is no other option.  I don't know what kept me from executing that final option.  I'd like to say it was the love of my family, and the love of God.  But this man also had a family he loved.  I don't know if he believed in God but I reckon he at least didn't not-believe.  How was I able to finally get away from that cliff and he couldn't?  

From reading so many comments on blogs and instagram, I can see that I am not alone here.  So many others have come forward and shared how Chris Cornell's music was their outlet, or the feeling that they weren't the only ones felt that way, or that a song actually helped them stay alive.  How tragic that he couldn't do the same.  It's just heartbreaking.  Losing him is so hard as it is, and this just makes it unbearable.  


Paul Tee said...

I’m sorry for your loss. It feels like a light has gone out of your life. It’s a deep cut and it’ll continue to hurt. There will be a hole where he has been and the world will seem smaller and colder for it.
I felt it when we lost Hendrix, Joplin and Morrison. I grieved for years, finding it hard to let them go and listen to their music. But I listened, looking for other sources and other songs to lift me up. And I grew callous in self defense. When Cobain went, I felt little. I rationalized that musicians preferred to go at their own terms. Sadly my musical giants are aging out and we lose them one by one.
The thing is music is a dangerous business. You give and give and often get the wrong things back: fame, sex, adulation, money, and a brutal schedule. Relationships are consumed and families break up. A meteor that burns itself out. Sadly the worst is when you feel that you have nothing left to give and ... maybe you can fake it for a while but it takes its toll. You can see many go into decline. He decided to go out on top. Find comfort that you know his life work.

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sherrysabri said...

شركة تسليك المجاري بالرياض
طرق فتح المجاري المسدوده و تسليك المجاري.
هل تعاني من مشكلة انسداد المجاري و مواسير الصرف الصحي؟ و تعاني من انسداد الاحواض و الحمامات و المطابخ؟ ياتي انسداد الاحواض نتيجة رمي بقايا الطعام و الزيوت والمواد الدهنيه و تراكم جميع المواد في مواسير الحمامات والمطابخ يؤدي الي انسداد المجاري وبهذا تحتاج المجاري الي تسليك ويبترتب علي انسداد مواسير الصرف الصحي ظهور المياه علي ارضيات المطبخ والحمام مم يؤدي الي ظهور روائح كريهه داخل المنزل و هذا يوئدي الي انتشار الحشرات و الاصابه بالامراض و للمحافظه علي منزلك من انسداد مجاري المنزل يجب التعامل مع شركة جدارات السعوديه افضل شركة تسليك مجاري بالرياض تابعوناا لمعرفة اهم طرق لتسليك مجاري الحمامات .
شركة تخزين اثاث بالرياض
تقوم بعمليات تخزين العفش وتمتلك مجموعة من أمهر العمال المحترفين في هذا المجال والعديد من السيارات المتخصصة في نقل العفش والأثاث بأحجام مختلفة والتي تمكنها من نقل العفش لأي مكان خارج الرياض في كافة أنحاء المملكة العربية السعودية، مع الحرص على وصول أثاثك بجودة عالية دون أي أضرار حتى وإن كانت بسيطة، كما تقدم الشركة ضمانات على جميع قطع الأثاث والعفش التي تريد نقلها وضمان الحفاظ عليه أثناء تخزينه
تتميز شركة نفل وتخزين اثاث بالرياض بالحفاظ على الاثاث هو أولوية
العمالة المدربة هى إختيار اساسى لبقاء الشركة
التعامل بلباقة هى من اساسيات قبول السائقين و العمال
سيارات آمنة مجهزة مع سائقين خبرة فى التعامل مع الطرق الصعبة بما يضمن المحافظة على الاثاث المحمل على السيارات
تغلييف بطرق حديثة
أسعار مناسبة مقارنة بالخدمة المقدمة
فشركتنا من أفضل شركات نقل الأثاث في بالرياض، لما لها من الخبرات المتراكمة عبر سنوات العمل في نقل الأثاث في الرياض، تتميز شركة نقل عفش بالرياض بنقل الأثاث داخل الرياض بالمصداقية و الأمانة و التي يشهد لها عملاؤها على مر السنين.

sherrysabri said...

شركه عزل فوم بالرياض الرياض
يعتبر الفوم من أفضل المواد العازلة للأسطح التي تحمي من ارتفاع الحرارة، وهو من المواد الكاتمة للصوت، و عند تركيبه يجب الرجوع إلى الشركات المتخصصة في العمل للقيام بعمل العازل بالشكل المطلوب لأن الخطأ في تركيبه يقلل من ميزاته ويجعله لا يقوم بمهامه بشكل سليم.
مميزات عزل الفوم
يعد الفوم ذو سماكة كثيفة، وبالتالي فإن عمره الافتراضي أكثر من الأنواع الأخرى، حيث يستمر لمدة تصل إلى عشر سنوات وأكثر.
– بالإضافة إلى إنه يتميز بتكلفته المنخفضة.
– كما يتميز عزل الفوم بأنه يقلل من استخدام الطاقة.
– عازل قوي فلا يسمح بعد تسرب المياه.
– يمكن التحكم بسهولة بسماكة طبقة الفوم حسب الرغبة.

افضل شركة ترميم منازل بالرياض
ما هى المشاكل التى تؤدى لترميم المنزل ؟
تشققات فى الجدران .
تضققات فى الأسطح .
تكسير البلاط .
سقوط الدهانات.
خلل فى المبنى كاملا.
قلة عمر المبنى الإفتراضي .
يمكن أن يصل الخراب فى المنزل للسقوط.
ما الذى توفرة عليك الصيانة والترميم للمنزل؟
الأموال من هدم المنزل بوناءة من جديد .
شكل خيالى للمنزل بعد الترميم.
إصلاح المشاكل وأيضا تركيب أفضل العوازل .
إصلاح الأعطال الكهربائية إن وجدت.

ahmed deraz said...

قمر الامارات
شركات تنظيف منازل فى الفجيرة
شركة مكافحة حمام الفجيرة