SPIN THE BLACK CIRCLE

Oh yeah.  Vinyl.  Good ol' grooves.

What you are seeing on that turntable is... JOHNNY CASH AT SAN QUENTIN.

On the back of the album sleeve is my Auntie's maiden name, and the date: January 1970.  

That makes this record older than me by about 11 months.  I wasn't even an idea yet.

It's been years since we've had this record player working.  On the weekend, Jethro and Bucky finally tracked down a store, luckily not too far from home, that sells this obscure item known as a stylus.  They had to buy the entire cartridge, the whole black thing at the end of the arm.  Jethro didn't mind, even though it was kind of pricey (we'd already turned down an opportunity to go see RDJ at the movies because we didn't think we could shell out over $60...) because it's a good piece of gear.  Might even be worth more than the whole record player.  haha.  

We've got this nice record collection, made up of a combination of the following:

My record buying years:

-Duran Duran

-Tears For Fears

-The Clash

-Led Zeppelin

Jethro's record buying years:

-Ozzy Osbourne

-Black Sabbath

-Led Zeppelin

-Yngwie Malmsteen (I'm not even kidding)

My parent's record buying years:

-Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass

-Baja Marimba Band (that is a seriously great record)

-Marty Robbins

-a few obscure gospel bands/ cousins and other relatives who sang hymns and got some vinyl pressed

My sister's record buying years:

-Bryan Adams

-Blondie

My mom's sister's record buying years:

-Johnny Cash

-Gordon Lightfoot

-Joni Mitchell

What an amazing collection!

We've got a Bill Cosby comedy album next to Cyndi Lauper's She's So Unusual.

Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet and Simon & Garfunkel, The Sounds Of Silence.

(I am going to name a critter Garfunkel some day.)

Van Halen, 1984 beside XTC, English Settlement (another great record, obscure in my neck of the woods)

Forgotten Rebels and The Cure.

INXS, Listen Like Thieves and ABBA...pick one, I had a serious ABBA phase between ages 9 and 11!

We've got a Molly Hatchett record.

We've got the Iron Butterfly sleeve but Jethro turned Innagaddadavida into a frisbee about 30 years ago.

We've got two copies of Zenyatta Mondatta by the Police.

People, we've got a Sigue Sigue Sputnik record.  I'm not kidding.


ISN'T THIS FUN!???!

It's been so long since we could play records.  We've been in this house for over two years and only recently got our stereo system set up.  This is a temporary home... we weren't even planning on being here this long.  But we missed our music.  Now we can watch TV, watch a movie on DVD, I don't think we can play our Wallace & Gromit VHS ("everybody knows the moon's made of cheese...") and I don't think we can play cassettes (yes we still have those too, how do you think we listen to all the Van Halen?) but I do think we can play CDs... there are four remotes and I'm still not sure how to turn the TV on --seriously, four remotes and I'm still getting off my butt to hit the channel button? We've got an iPod dock hooked up so we can drop an iGadget in there and listen to a playlist.

And now, WE CAN PLAY RECORDS!

Last night Bucky discovered Blizzard Of Ozz.

We'd given him the disc last year and were shocked to hear how different it sounded.  Apparently somebody thought it would be a good idea to re-record the bass and drums.  We thought it was a terrible idea and decided to ostracize that CD, promising Bucky we'd get the ol' record player fired up.

So I gave Bucky the tutorial on Dropping The Needle.

There's the hissing and crackling, and there's Randy Rhoads, and we grinned.  The record skipped.  I giggled.  "It's the real thing, kids!  There's nothing else like it!"

Jethro later said, "I played the crap outta that record.  I bought it used, and then I played the crap out of it."

Well kids, it's not perfect.  The turntable has a nasty ground hum that can be heard between tracks.  There will be noises coming out of those vinyl grooves that aren't music.

But the music is there.

It isn't compressed, it isn't crushed down into MP3 files.  It doesn't have any of that ProTooled sandpaper-on-the-ears bullcrap.  It wasn't mastered so loud it hurts.  Music shouldn't hurt.  You should be able to turn it up and enjoy it without suffering hearing damage.  Jethro has been devoting his career to making good-sounding music and making a stand against music that just sounds like a wall of fuzz.  A lot of teenagers have grown up on recordings that have been processed to death.  And they listen to slammed files with no dynamics and way too much noise.  They listen to it loud, in earbuds.  They don't really know how recorded music is meant to sound.  Half the time they've only got one earbud in, which makes Jethro tear his hair out, because he spends 16 hours a day mixing in stereo -- as in, each side has something different going on -- and these guys are only listening to one side.  They're missing half of it.

Let's face it: the entire music industry is a broken rusted shadow of its former self.  We know this first hand.  We live it.

And Bucky and Annyong go to school, stand on their little soapboxes and proclaim all of this to their misguided peers.... and are met with uncomprehending stares.

Ours aren't allowed to have a million small files of music on their iPods.  They are allowed to have like, a couple hundred, that are in big files and sound good.

So we listened to Ozzy last night.  Wine is fine, but liquor is quicker.  Tonight we'll listen to the story of Mr Crowley.  Tomorrow night we'll listen to side 2 of Johnny Cash cussing his way through a set of songs to the appreciative howls of a bunch of prisoners.

GOOD TIMES.

It is far from perfect, vinyl, but I don't think we've reached a perfect method of recording music yet in the first hundred years of the art and science.  Records are better than wax cylinders.  Besides, wax cylinder players are even harder to find than record player needles.

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine... I keep my eyes wide open all the time...

I'm hick, I'm chic, and I'm a week late: American Idol highlights and dubious/ fantastic styling choices!!!

Yeah I know, it all happened a week ago, but I live with these young people who insist on using the computer for homework, like that's ever been a real legit computer usage reason ever in history.  Pffft.  Brainiac kids.  Anyways, I went out to the barn early that evening to catch this, and then of course report back to you all who couldn't be bothered cuz you knew I'd give you the highlights.  Basically it was STARPALOOZA and just when I thought they couldn't possibly dust off another one and trot it out on stage, oh wow, LOOK WHO IT IS!!!   By an hour and a half in, I was just about finished.  Yes, I think I was getting close to Famous Person Burnout. I changed into my jammies and stuck it through till 10:00 because... I had to.  I just had to.

First.  JENNIFER LOPEZ!!!!!

This is now officially my all time favourite picture of her.  

That jumpsuit thing looks scratchy, but clearly it is a One Piece Garment Of Happiness!!! If that's all it takes, I'll have one in every colour please.  

The Famous Person Parade started off with  Casey the Beard Guy and JACK BLACK!

What did they sing?  FAT BOTTOM GIRLS by Queen.  

Well, I just love that song.  

Have I ever mentioned that I adore Jack Black?  He's always in over-the-top mode, always goofing, always ON but the thing is, he's actually a really good singer.  Yeah, it's there, underneath the satire.  

So that was fun.  And they did not look like idiots.  Or maybe they did, but it looked right so I didn't notice?

Then.  THEN.  Something... amazing... happened.  

Judas Priest.  On Idol.  

I'm still trying to get my head around this and it's been a week.  That is Judas Frickin' Priest, people.  That bald man in head to toe black leather?  Rob Halford.  For real.  It was nice of Mr Halford to loan the kid some items of clothing from the Screaming For Vengeance era.

They did a thing with James Durbin, which had to be a dream come true.  For him, I mean.  He's got a voice that will shiver the wallpaper off the wall.  And here he is.  

HE WAS ON STAGE WITH JUDAS PRIEST.

FOR REAL.

Flames and spikes and studs and all.  It's a 70s metal daydream.  ONLY HE REALLY DID IT.

Judas Priest was on American Idol??????

From one extreme to the other....third runner-up Haley got the opportunity to sing with... wait for it... Tony Bennett!  Yes, THE Tony Bennett.

Wow.  I mean, just wow.  This guy is a living legend.  He sounds so good!  He's from the era when singers actually had to know how to sing.  And look what a class act the dude is.

And he's still so handsome!  He's 85 years old!  

It was a cute duet.  Well done!  

What a classy dude.  And doesn't she look lovely.  They're a nice couple.  They should make a record. 

You know who else showed up?  TOM JONES!

He's let his hair go grey, which I love, because dudes who are of great maturity look stoopid with bright red hair.  Or jet black hair.  I mean, come on, we know.  And grey hair can look soooo good on a man.

He's not doing the old swivel-hips routine like he did back in the 70s.  Did anybody else here ever watch the Tom Jones show?  Remember the intro where the spotlight reflects off the belt buckle?  And them tight pants and the shirt with no top buttons?  

 I was stuck to the TV anticipating the big notes, and yep, he nailed the money notes.  Also he wears clothes that cover up... everything and that's probably good, cuz it is not the 70s anymore. 

Nothing against the young fellas, but... I wonder if they felt like total noobs beside this guy.  (They should, really.)

Speaking of young fellas:  Here's young Scotty - yeah he won, no spoiler here, this is old news by now- with Tim McGraw, and the youngun's all this is one a my heroes oh man this is great and there's Tim all music biz veteran and composed and being the elder statesman of country music.  Raising up the next generation.  Wondering what Faith's making for supper tonight.

I wonder if Tim's hat is the same one he's been wearing on stage for the last twenty years.  (Is it twenty yet for him?  Feels like he's always been here.)  Like I wonder if he gets a new shiny black straw hat each spring and retires last year's hat to working status.  You know, when Faith makes him go mow the lawn and that sort of thing.

While we're on country music, let's have a look at the runner up, the absolutely adorable Lauren Alaina. Here's a picture that cracks me up.  

Carrie Underwood is thinking, "Those two hours I spent working my thighs and calves was worth it.  And the spray tan.  And the waxing.  Totally worth it. My legs are monuments of perfection! Just to prove it, I am flexing them right now!"

And 16 year old Lauren is just singing away, not chewing the scenery or stealing the show.  She's got something Carrie will probably never have: BACKSIDE.  I appreciate a girl with a good gravity defying derriere!  Booty girls, let's never think we're fat, let's love our shapes, and let's be glad we will always have a good place to sit!  

She's a good singer, seems to be a really nice kid, but her stylists need to be slapped.  Even Blondie Legs up there would look awful in black tights ending at the ankle paired with gaudy shoes with ankle straps. The alternative, though, would have been to put Lauren in a pair of really tacky cowboy boots, and by tacky I don't mean all the cool horse stuff in my barn.  No I mean tacky as in EWW.  As in, "Oh, duh, country singer = cowboy boots."  Slap your forehead and roll your eyes.

Those stylists have done enough damage already.

WHAT the CRAP is this????  Is this somebody's idea of something a country music diva should wear?  Even Scotty looks uncomfortable, like he is trying not to be alarmed at how awful this dress is, especially since she's putting on such a good smile, and also how relieved he is that he's a guy, and the wardrobe people go, "obviously, country singer = plaid shirt and jeans"  which in his case is just really lucky.

It is possible for a country singer to look good.  Scotty do.  

This girl is so cute.  Do you have any idea how hard I looked for white cowboy boots to wear with my wedding dress in 1991?  I'm not quite sure about this outfit though.  If they had her in a plain T shirt the same colour as his jacket... listen to me eh?  Like I'm an expert.  Wait, isn't this blog called Hick CHIC as in 

"stylishness and elegance, typically of a specified kind:  French chic | biker chic."

Ha, so there.  

Know who thinks she's all that?

Yawn.

Wearing things that aren't clothes, and as naked as possible in public without being illegal.

I'm bored.  Are you bored?

She even fake-fornicated with a backup dancer and I was STILL BORED.  

Now if she showed up in jeans and a plaid shirt I would be shocked.  

I keep thinking I should be bored with this chick, and yet I'm not.  Maybe it's because I keep finding pictures of her with ridiculous outfits and great facial expressions, like this one.

"Hey, yo, check out mah silver undaaaays!  Yeah!!!"

Also I am fascinated by the science of keeping the bazooms inside the ridiculous outfit.  Shirt glue?  It's a real thing, right?

Oh but if we're talking about ridiculous outfits, we need some LOPEZ!  Wheeeee!

Truth is, it started off as a Marc Anthony performance in Spanish.  The man has a golden throat.  Even if I find him slightly scary looking.  

But then SHE emerged from the smoke machine fog.

I love this.  I don't know what he was singing in Spanish but he's pointing at her butt.  

"I live with THAT!"

Yep, just another Wednesday evening in the Lopez-Anthony house.

Absolutely normal.

Just when I thought my brain would explode with unexpected appearances, this guy in a toque showed up, playing guitar, and Spiderman went zooming around...

...and I gave my head a shake and said, out loud, "Really?  Bono and Edge?  Idol, really?  Really really?"

Weeeeeird.  

I know I didn't dream this, because there's photographic proof, but seriously, really????

There was one thing I was waiting and hoping for.  AND IT HAPPENED!!!!

He finally showed all these young whippersnappers how to rock.  

He sang "Dream On" only without Aerosmith, which is understandable I guess. I have one complaint:  too short.  It was an abbreviated version with a verse, a chorus and then the famous outro.  

And you just know I was on the edge of the couch, holding my breath, because here comes the part all the noobs think they can sing, and that if they shriek it out it proves how awesome they are but they are just pale imitations because only one man, only one rock star is STEVEN TYLER.

He opens up that frightening fascinating mouth of his and people's HEADS EXPLODE.

This guy woke me up every morning when I was 16.  I rolled over in bed and heard his voice.

Yep, had the tape player right there so I could hit the Play button and wake up to Back In The Saddle.  It's one of my favourite songs ever.  When I get my imaginary TV show it'll be my theme song.  

Dude is 63 years old and he still rocks my warm woolly socks.  

Rockstaaaahhhhhhh: this is how it's done, noobs.  You've got about 40 years to get it right.

So anyways, this whole exercise was about giving some lucky youngster a really tight and limiting recording contract and supposedly a good media-bombing, while the 2nd and 3rd runner up wait a year, get signed by somebody else, and possibly have an actual career.  

I don't know why young Scotty here even bothered going this route, because I honestly think the kid is brilliant.  He's got the cute "yes ma'am" personality, a crooked smile, and a killer voice.  I mean he's gooood.  He's like 17 going on 28, mature in the way he presents himself and his singing skills.  That's my opinion.  He'd have been a star no matter what; maybe this little contest got him there quicker but it's kind of irrelevant.  

So he looked all dapper, and it really struck me how much a teenage boy can grow into his ears in less than a year.  Oh come on, I'm not being mean, I'm serious!  I'm the mother of a teenage boy and I know they're a funny collection of limbs and ears and feet that don't quite grow at the same rate.  

Man, these two are young.  They don't really seem young.  Except for that "Beauty and the Beast" dress.  Okay, it is on the pretty side of cute but mostly if you're a four year old girl and it's your birthday.  But she looks really happy!

Yeah giggle now while you can, kids.  Everybody looks back at what they were wearing when they were 16 and cringes.  

Now I don't know about you, but I think this looks like more than your average congratulations kiss.  This is a full on SMOOCH!  She's got her hands around his neck and face and all!  

Oh my gosh, it looks like these two were all falling-in-teenage-love while this show was happening.  

Now the publicists can go bomb the media with this story.  

You know, I was about this age when I met The Love Of My Life over twenty years ago.  Aw, wouldn't it be sweet if they end up being a real THING and stay together??  I mean, it's possible.  To do that though, they might want to consider getting the hell out of the entertainment biz.

I just hope she doesn't let the stylists from this show pick out her wedding dress.  

(I'm available and I'll work for horse feed.)

Hey! I'm not mad at music anymore! (Thank you SOUNDGARDEN!)

After a particularly bad year, bad for a lot of reasons, in which I stopped listening to the radio and barely looked at any of my CDs, I have been rediscovering my love for RAWK.

I feel like I'm finding a piece of my identity that was stuck in a corner and covered in dust.

Bonus: my brain is blooming with fiction again!

This week I plan to do most of my blogging over next door at my other blog.    I'm going to write about some records I bought over the summer (Yes we still call them RECORDS in our family) and why this stuff makes me feel happeeeee.  I'm going to tell you about my good friends Ozzy and Slash and some talented Finnish men.

But first, because I'm feeling generous, I'd like to tell you about a band I've loved for damn near twenty years.

I'd heard rumblings and whispers of Soundgarden getting back together but I generally don't get too excited until it actually happens.  This sounded pretty legit: there were concert dates for Soundgarden at Lollapalooza.  Basically I just figured there goes another once in a lifetime concert event we didn't get to and decided to get on with my life.  Then one morning I was on my way out of Stratford after taking the kids to school early for band practice and I heard the unmistakeable wailing and thrashing of Thayil, Cornell, Cameron & Shepherd, or as we referred to them around here, The Black Sabbath Of The Nineties.



Only thing is, I didn't recognize the song.  I cranked it up as loud as my mom's car could handle it, but I didn't know it.  I wondered if it was from some early album I wasn't as familiar with.  But it didn't sound like it was recorded pre-90s.

Then the DJ said the two magic words, "New Soundgarden" and I could barely stay in the car.

The next time we were in town, I sent my boy into the record store with a fist full of cash and orders to GET IT. (Yeah, parental advisory and all... I used to make mix CDs from my favourites with only the non-sweary songs, but these kids are teenagers now so I'm over it.)


Here, have a picture of Chris Cornell from the early 90s when he didn't wear a shirt very often.

They must have done some epic concerts this past summer, but I'll have to settle for the pictures from their site.  

So I've been driving around in my mom's car, possibly wrecking the speakers, and forgetting to turn it back to radio before I shut the car off... she was a little offended by the lyrics in the chorus of "Big Dumb Sex" but we laughed about it later.  

I'm so glad I'm not mad at music anymore.  I don't know what caused our falling out, or when it started.  I'm just happy we're speaking again.  

Catch ya at the other blog when I'm done composing my history of Soundgarden...

The Man Who Changed Music: Les Paul, 1915-2009

Most rock music fans have heard the name, but know it as in "Gibson Les Paul." The man behind the famous guitar was a musician and inventor, and most of all, an innovator.

He died this week at the age of 94. Until June, he was still doing his Monday evening gig in NYC.

Not only guitarists and fans honour his work, though. His influence on modern music of all kinds is staggering. It's safe to say that without Les Paul, my husband's career would be drastically different.

Les Paul invented multi-track recording, overdubbing, tape delay, phase effects. "Studio trickery" was born!

His whole life must have been like one big recording studio. This is a photo of him at home with his wife, singer Mary Ford. I kind of love everything about that room and wish it was in my house.

We had a "Les Paul And Mary Ford" cassette tape kicking around here awhile ago. Stunning! They worked well together, back in those days.

When we visited the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in January, we had to spend a long time lingering over the exhibit devoted to him. Several of his early prototypes are on display, and they fascinated us. To many observers, it would look like a few pieces of junk, but we got it. That pine plank with a rusty hinge attached to it? Tie some metal strings to it and you've got a neat way to make new sounds. Each new version improved on an idea until he'd come up with his perfect guitar. He claimed he made things because he needed them, and nobody else was making it. So he did.

For me it was totally about my son, at age 7, finding a long thin cardboard box, wrapping elastics around a few popsicle stick "pickups" and cutting a round hole near one end: his first box guitar. Jethro taught him how to play "Seven Nation Army" which cracked us up consistently. Soon the boy had a little Peizo pickup inside the box and we had amplification. Seriously, it was just the cheap version of a real electric guitar. It could be hooked up to an amp and everything. It was hilarious.

I'm so glad my children got a little education in the meeting of invention and music, and that they know who the guy is, and why his passing marks the end of a remarkable life and career.

Imaginary friends...

The blogging here lately has been very scatterbrained lately.  I mean, more than usual.  I have all the usual excuses involving horses that need exercise, kids needing to be yelled at (lovingly of course) and a husband who works in a rather unpredictable job.  Add two house critters and I'm up to my eyeballs.

Meanwhile, my imaginary friends have crept back into the front of my brain.  

Seriously, I feel like I'll be editing this book forever.  How long has it been, two years?  

Not long enough, it seems.  

I couldn't leave Trouble alone.  I had to go picking through it again.  Honestly, I was dreading it, but you know what?  

I love these people.  They have tons of faults, all kinds of insecurities, and not one of them likes horses, but despite that, they're fascinating.  Sometimes I forget that they came out of my head.  

At the risk of sounding like a loser, I've sent out a few queries to some literary agents over the last year.  Clearly, none of these were The Right Person.  I also know now that my query letter could be just a little bit stronger, and as of today, realized my first 50 pages could use some fix ups.  

I can cut out a few superfluous sentences.  Plus, I need to drop in a few hints here and there as to the awful event in the past that started the whole mess, and what kind of nastiness is about to happen.

Is it weird to dream about people I invented?  They are so real to me.  They are part of me.  

Occasionally I get asked here about my book, and I don't know what to say.  I say nothing.  If you were ever wondering what's going on, all I can say is, not much.  YET.  I can assure you, if there's one personality trait that has kept me going with pretty much every aspect of my life, it's STUBBORNNESS.  I'll plow into this slow and steady until I get some action out of this book.

I have to.  Jenny and Katie and Adam and Will and Tom need me to tell their story...

So, are pigs gonna sprout wings now? and other exciting developments

Today I'm going to talk about Axl Rose.  If you don't like Axl Rose, stay with me here, I'll pass around the brain bleach later, okay?

I think possibly hell has frozen over.  Axl has finally finished that album he's been working on for like, a hundred years or whatevs, and not only is it a real album with a release date and everything, but now all you Americans get a free Dr Pepper!  Except, if you are Slash or Buckethead, then no Dr Pepper for you.  Aw heck, Axl softened up and said he'd share his can with Slash.  (Buckethead has to go drink Pepsi?  Sprite?  Tap water??)

On Monday night, Jethro was checking out one of his favourite recording engineer gossip sites (yes, they exist; you should read what they say about mastering engineers and ribbon microphones, it's scandalous) and the whole site was buzzing with GUNS N ROSES.  I snorted.  "Yeah, I'll believe it when I hear it," I said sarcastically.

Tuesday, as in, new release day, came and went.

Wednesday morning I woke up to something that sounded like Axl's unmistakable wail and thought I was dreaming.  Here the line between dream and nightmare is very thin, just like it should be.

But then later in the barn, I heard it again.  Holy smokes, it's real.  I'm not imagining things.

All these years, leaking stuff to the internet, popping up here and there just so we don't forget his existence, and looking rather odd.   I mean, I can't even post the pictures; I'm not that cruel.  But I'm sure we all remember the frightening yellow faux rapper outfit.  And the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey jersey phase.  But what's he been doing?  I think I may have found the answer, with a little bit of internet trawling.  

He's been hanging with a bunch of real animals.  

Now I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and say that I think Axl Rose actually looks pretty good.  IF you don't count that hairdo.  We will discuss that later.  I'm just saying that he looks healthier than he did 20 years ago.  Yeah, I know.  In 1988 he was skin and bones.  But still, he looks somewhat fit. 

Plus he's taken up the habit of wearing shirts, which is right and appropriate for a man in his 40s.  



He was too skinny back then, yes, but his hair was so much nicer.  I always thought his best feature was his long silky red hair.

So I'm just not sure what's going on here.  But I'm worried.  I'm really very concerned. 

 

See?  Kinda nice, in a wiry elfin hungover greasy kind of way.  If you can appreciate that sort of thing.

Wanna know really why I'm so excited about this?  First of all, IT'S GUNS N FRICKIN ROSES, PEOPLE!   I know, it's not quite the same without Slash.  I know.  And yes, I admit that I was less than thrilled with the whole Use Your Illusion thing.  But this frightening frontman became a pretty big part of my late teens.  I didn't love him.  I thought he was angry and rude and potentially vicious.  But he was electrifying to watch, and NOBODY else sounded like him.

He still sounds like Axl Rose.  Whew.  

Also?  I wrote this little novel, and one of the main characters is absolutely obsessed with Axl Rose.  She has a wall in her room covered with posters.  She talks to him before she goes to sleep.  She cries in a drunken stupor because he has never met her and gotten a chance to know how much he means to her!!!  She likes him waaaaaaay more than I ever have or ever will.  The funny thing about being a writer is that you have to kind of get into an imaginary person's head.  I'm vicariously happy about this.  My imaginary friend is thrilled.  

Hopefully 15 years worth of therapy, anger management and good nutrition has been good for him.  

But for those of you who think he's irreversibly skeevy, I will now pass the brain bleach.  

Huh... turns out most of my Johnny pictures are just slightly skeevy too.  Took some effort to find some clean shaven respectable ones!  But I gotta say, Johnny does it soooo much better.  He looks good in everything, and I'm not worried about his hair at all.

I must get on with my day.  I have some writing and kid chasing to do!